Strategic whining

We’ve all heard it, we’ve all been there. Life is full of ups and downs, the sweets and the bitters. When things go well, you give thanks to your favorite deity, feel a little good about yourself, or simply thank the sheer dumb luck that came your way. When things are not so good however, people cope differently. Some of us resort to alcohol (ojok lho nik, diliak orang mosok pantes / please don’t, people might see you). Some of us write journals (hiii lu kok ndek rumah terus nulis-nulis ndak sepi tah, lek gini terus carane yak apa mau entuk bojo, kapan kawine lu nikkk.... / if you keep writing, when are you gonna go out and meet a potential spouse? when are you ever gonna get married?). Some of us even try to sleep through it (nyoooo nyo lu kok cek malese seh / bum!!). However, most of us have a surefire way to alleviate stress that results from external circumstances. We whine. We complain, we talk to our friends, we ask them for advice, or even use them just as sounding board, we vent off. In short, we whine. This whining mysteriously builds bonds and camaraderie between the speaker and listener. It can even creates and strengthen trust relationship that already exists between them. Thus, it’s not surprise that friends do whine to each other, although hopefully not about each other. 

As a Chibayan, you must also have heard people whining around you, and even whined yourself, for the day we stop whining and truly be content with what we have, that’s the day the earth stops rotating. But we Chibayans have also perfected a new technique of whining. A type of whining that is designed to put the listeners below the feet of the speaker. A type of whining that is not intended, even for a split second, to be a complaint about one’s life situation. A type of whining that is simply put, bragging. A bragging whine. A strategic whine.

You’ve heard it before:

Mateng lho anakku iki, dipilih suruh melok pelajaran tambahan. Hii yak apa ya, lak kesel nemen, wis pulang sekolah sek disuruh melok gitu2an lagi. Tapi tak pikir ya ndak papa wes, cek ada kegiatane ya, timbang ndek omah tok ndlahom2 gitu. Katane kelase kelas pilihan, mek gae sing nilai ne ciamik. Be’e keja dikirim lomba2 gitu ya.

(Loosely translated: Mateng my child is being selected for an after-school class, I’m worried for his/her endurance. Oh well... I guess it’s better than not doing anything at home. This class is exclusive to the top performing students, by invitation only, to prep them for competitions.)

Or,

Anakku sitok ini soro lho, nggarai kene jantungen ae. Ndak ngomong-ngomong tau-tau njupuk diving license, terus nyang Lombok nyelem-nyelem. Tak bilangi, bahaaaaaaya lho nyo laut itu. Tapi tak pikir-pikir lagi, ya ndak papa wis ya, lak apik toh. Malah tak bilangi, “beruntung ya lu isa liak dunia sing orang lain ndak isa liak. Cobak lek papa isa puter balik waktu, papa ya tak belajar diving pisan.”

(Loosely translated: My son is so troublesome, almost gave me a heart attack. Without telling us, he got a diving license, and then went diving to Lombok. I told him that the ocean is a dangerous place. But on second thought, I think that’s okay. It is beautiful down there. I told him how lucky he is to be able to see a world that most people can’t. If only I could turn back time, I would have learned diving as well.)

Now you get the picture. A whining that seems to complain about a plight concerning one’s child, a whining that at first seems to beg for sympathy. And just as we the listeners began to lower their guard and start to offer sympathy and the emotional helping hand, the whine took a 180 and turned into a bragging. It turned into an opportunity to assert the speaker’s superiority over us, as evidenced by the speaker’s child’s superiority over our children. It hurts not because of the bragging itself. We’ve come to expect it. It hurts simply because for that instant moment, we truly felt sorry and genuinely wanted to help. But seriously, no. If you’re a real Chibayan, you won’t fall for it because:

1. You do it too
2. You won’t feel sympathetic to begin with.

But it works extremely well on unsuspecting listeners. Go try it.

Anatomy of a strategic whine

The Whine

Mateng lho anakku iki, dipilih suruh melok pelajaran tambahan. Hii yak apa ya, lak kesel nemen, wis pulang sekolah sek disuruh melok gitu2an lagi.
(Mateng my child is being selected for an after-school class, I’m worried for his/her endurance.)

Anakku sitok ini soro lho, nggarai kene jantungen ae. Ndak ngomong-ngomong tau-tau njupuk diving license, terus nyang Lombok nyelem-nyelem. Tak bilangi, bahaaaaaaya lho nyo laut itu.
(My son is so troublesome, almost gave me a heart attack. Without telling us, he got a diving license, and then went diving to Lombok. I told him that the ocean is a dangerous place. )

This part is most straightforward. You start it off with an actual whine. If you had just kept it to this part, it is actually a whine. A complain. The kind that builds and enhances trust. The kind that actually invites sympathy. The kind that, if it had come from a non-Chibayan, you would expect it to stop right here.

The Trivializer

Tapi tak pikir ya ndak papa wes, cek ada kegiatane ya, timbang ndek omah tok ndlahom2 gitu.
(Oh well... I guess it’s better than not doing anything at home.)

Tapi tak pikir-pikir lagi, ya ndak papa wis ya, lak apik toh.
(But on second thought, I think that’s okay. It is beautiful down there.)

This is when the speaker lets us know that it wasn’t actually a whine at all. Despite the fact that the whine sounded serious, it really wasn’t. The trivializer provides justification that the predicament that was mentioned earlier wasn’t really all that bad. It’s just okay. Actually, if you think about it, there really is nothing wrong with the child. It’s just a new fact about him/her. It’s just a relay of information. The speaker might as well say, “oh hey, the sky is blue.”

The Brag

Katane kelase kelas pilihan, mek gae sing nilai ne ciamik. Be’e keja dikirim lomba2 gitu ya.
(This class is exclusive to the top performing students, by invitation only, to prep them for competitions.)

Malah tak bilangi, “beruntung ya lu isa liak dunia sing orang lain ndak isa liak. Cobak lek papa isa puter balik waktu, papa ya tak belajar diving pisan.”
(I told him how lucky he is to be able to see a world that most people can’t. If only I could turn back time, I would have learned diving as well.)

This is when the speaker reveals the true intention of the whining. When you just read the brag by itself, it comes off really arrogant, out of nowhere, and uncalled for. While it really is our nature, social rules have pretty much require us to mask it a little. Package it as a whining. Add a little negativity to it. Cover it under the guise of sharing one’s burden in a group of friends. Then it would be perceived as trying to put a dash of sugar in your medicine, except:

1. There is a disproportionate amount of sugar and medicine, too much sugar and not enough medicine.
2. No one got fooled. The listeners see right through, because the listeners also do it.

Strategic Whining

So then, why do we call it strategic whining? It seems straight-forward until now. Think about what you want to brag, add a little negativity to the situation, and justify why the negativity really is not a negative. It’s a zero. Reorder the sentences, and voila. You got your own bragging whine. What’s so strategic about it?

The Chibayans who have mastered this technique actually take it a step further by carefully selecting the audience to which this type of whining is delivered to. In order for the brag to register with a resounding BAM in the listener’s head, the listener must:

• Agree with the trivializer. People have different value systems (yes, even us), and to some people, some things are legitimately negative concerns and some other things are trivial concerns. If the speaker chose the right listeners, the trivializer would add nothing new. The listeners wouldn’t have to be explained why the situation wasn’t so bad after all. In the first example above, the listeners must really think that after-school classes are not that exhausting after all and that the speaker is over-reacting.
• Be actually jealous with the brag. In the second example, the brag is only effective if the listeners agree that diving is cool, that it is beautiful sight to see, and that it is a privilege to be able to dive.

The expert whiners also tailor the spices of their whines according to their audience. In the first example, this whine would only be told precisely to those parents whose children do nothing at home, parents whose children “ndek omah tok ndlahom2 gitu.” In the second example, the whine is that much more effective if it’s told to the parents whose children can’t dive, but want to dive.

So now you have the basics of Chibayan style bragging. It’s never quite simple. It’s an art, and hopefully the anatomy lesson above would help you in crafting your very first strategic whining. As an exercise problem, dissect the following whine into its components:

Eh sakno lho anakku itu lagi pindahan. Tak takok’i, laopo seh kok repot2 pindahan terus. Katane kerjaane dipindah ambek kantore. Tapi saaken toh ya ngepak ngepak barange uakehe sak mono. Tak tanya’i, ndak isa minta tetep ae tah? Katane “ndak isa ma, sing sue ku dinaekno uakeh, makane mesti nurut ini.” Lha yak apa lek gitu?

(Loosely translated: My poor daughter,she’s moving. I askedher why going through all the hassle. She said she’s being relocated by her work. But still, there’s so much stuff to pack. I asked her if she could ask to stay, but she said “No Ma I can’t. I’m getting a nice pay bump from this.” What can you say?)

Catchphrase: Mateng!!

Catchphrase is a column about phrases that are uniquely Chibayans. They are not part of the standard Indonesian language and non-Chibayans would be hardpressed to understand their meaning, hence the need of the column to expound upon them. Please send a message to anaknyolot if you have any ideas about new catchphrases to be featured here.


Welcome to the first article in the catchphrase series, where we will look at a word that I’m sure many of you are familiar with: mateng. Cheaply thrown around, but heavily imposed, we grew up listening to this dreaded utterance all around us, most likely to emphasize that we’re not good enough for whatever the speaker expects from us. Before we delve further into its meanings, we shall look at its etymological roots.

Mateng in Indonesian means well-done, as in cooking (no, that other meaning of “well done” does not exist in Chibayan dictionary. Nice try). It somehow sounds similar to mati which means to die / dead. Thus, at a glance, the utterance mateng is similar to the phrase “I’m toast” or “Someone’s done for” in English, but with much deeper layers of richness in nuance.

The expression has two variants. Mateng kon, which is mostly used in Central Java, and mateng lu, which is mostly used by Eastern Javanese. It is best exclaimed in high voice with a dash of agonizing shriek. Self-righteousness and superiority would also be nice. Note that the subject of mateng is always you (kon / lu), regardless of the content of the following phrase. Following are usage examples that should be familiar to a lot of you:

1. Mateng lu ulangane entuk 6 (mateng, he got a 6 in the test)
2. Mateng lu tikete enthek (mateng, the ticket’s sold out)
3. Mateng lu jam sak gini belon makan (mateng, the subject has not eaten at this late hour)
4. Mateng lu cek larange (mateng, it’s so expensive)

The word mateng in this context has probably the highest information density among all languages in the world, packing so much meaning and intent all within 6 letters. It probably is every linguist’s dream to study this word and how it came to be. Uttering the word mateng may or may not be followed by a simple sentence explaining the reason of the speaker’s exclamation, but it is always assumed that every listeners would understand perfectly well why the speaker chose to say it. Following is the list of meaning and intent that come with the word:

1. Something has happened that is a matter of the gravest importance to the national / organizational / familial integrity. All resources and efforts must thus be mobilized to prevent and contain any negative consequences and possibly even undo what had happened. The damage, if it exists at all, is not on a very practical level, and often only imagined. More often than not, it’s about prestige. In the example 1 above, it’s not that 6 is such a bad score, but it is worse that the kid next door. No, it’s not that 6 would jeopardize your academic career, but it’s that the other moms will scoff at me due to my inferiority in raising an intelligent child. In the example 4, if the speaker hasn’t actually spent any money, there is no damage. But it indeed is a bad thing that he SAW that the price was too expensive.

2. The weight of the situation is usually as perceived by the speaker. In most instances of mateng, the speaker judges the situation too terrible to bear and thus uttered the word mateng, hopefully soliciting agreement from the listeners that what happened was indeed terrible. However, due to Chibayan’s innate inability to put one in another’s shoes, this is most often a futile attempt. In the example 3 above, the lateness is purely from the speaker’s point of view, regardless whether the subject truly thinks it’s late and whether the subject really wishes to eat.

3. The utterance conveys the speaker’s displeasure of someone else’ perceived lack of efforts. Nevermind that scoring a 6 in high-school is difficult and sometimes considered an impressive feat, it’s not a 7 or an 8 or even a 10. Nevermind that the subject might have other plans to eat soon or is on a diet or is still full from the previous meal, he or she clearly has failed to eat three times a day with rice at normal hours like a normal human being and must thus be embarassed publicly.

I’m sure the list could go on and on, but I ran out of ideas on what else the word might signify. When I first wrote this article, I really thought there were at least 7 or 8 items in this list, but I could only think of 3 right now. MATENG!!

Definition

Before we move further, I feel that we should properly define what Chibayanese is and who constitutes the Chibayan culture.

Etymology

If you haven’t guessed it, Chibayanese is short of Surabayan-Chinese, a subculture of Chinese people who dwell in East Java, mostly in Surabaya. We are best characterized by our casual use of the “Chinese” language, or so we thought. Other characterizations may apply such as

• Narrow-mindedness and judgmental attitude
• Inability to hide one’s Schadenfreude
• Disproportionate amount of fascism and self-worship as a group
• Unhealthy desire to please everyone and their mothers (literally… since other people’s mothers are usually the source of judgments for failing to do so)
• Preference to everything Asian and nothing Western (seriously, what’s with the tight-shirt craze?)

Q: I am Chinese but I don’t live in Surabaya. However, I still relate to all characteristics above. Am I a Chibayanese?
A: You don’t have to live in Surabaya to be a Chibayanese, just as you don’t have to live in China to be a Chinese. If any one of your ancestors lived in Surabaya, most likely you would have been raised as a Chibayanese. Our culture does tend to be stronger than the rest of the nation and thus always win in a cross-cultural marriage.

Q: Those descriptions do define my family well, but I don’t think I’m a Chibayanese.
A: First of all, that’s not a question. Secondly, these characteristics apply to most Chinese Indonesians in general, but displayed in greater proportions among Chibayanese. So while it might be true that you’re not a Chibayanese simply because these apply to you, you would still benefit from reading this blog further.

Q: I’m a Chibayanese, but my family and my jingjik are all open-minded and understanding, even when some of my life choices are controversial. How come?
A: Lucky you…. Can we switch lives?

Q: What kind of “Chinese” are they really using?
A: Ah, that brings us to the next section

Language

While a majority of us think that we speak Chinese and we use it extensively to distinguish ourselves from the rest of Surabayans, we actually don’t. If you’re wondering what kind of Chinese we speak, use the following formula to translate any Indonesian sentence into Chibayan.

1. Think of the sentence in Indonesian. Actually, Javanese works better.
2. Translate the sentence word-by-word (yes, word-by-word) into Chinese, but only for the ones you know. It’s perfectly acceptable and even encouraged to translate only half of the sentence. Translating an entire phrase, or even an entire sentence, correctly not only will result in you being perceived as showing off, but may actually the listener to not understand you. Word-by-word, that’s the golden rule.
3. Write those translations in Wade-Giles pinyin. Hanyu pinyin does not work so well.
4. Strip off all the tones.
5. Read it with full Javanese rigor (or some Jakartans might say “medok”). The more glottal attacks and endings you use, the better. Your chest should vibrate vigorously during this process, otherwise you’re not doing it right.

Examples

This is how Chibayan language counts one to ten:
Ik (with glottal ending), Ol (with glottal attack), San, Si, U, Liok, Jik, Pak, Cyu, Sek.

Actual sentence overheard in a souvenir shop in Bali:
Bali ren iki lek ngomong kok ndak koyok women women gini ya.
（Bali 人 iki lek ngomong kok ndak koyok 我们我们 gini ya）

Other examples:

• A: Lho bengyu ne iku semok ren? （Lho 朋友 ne iku 什么人?）
  B: Oh korea ren. （Oh korea 人）
  
• Mosok omahe kate ditinggal gitu tok. Lek yu semok semok cemokyang?
  （Lek 有什么什么怎么样?）
  
• Yo areke pancene seneng sing nak yang nak yang nako….
  （Yo areke pancene seneng sing 那样那样那个….）
  
• Papamu co apa nyo?
  （爸爸mu 做 apa nyo?）
  

First Post

Based on popular requests (that means two) I finally started this blog as an outlet to talk about, discuss, laugh, cry, and feel superior to the prevalent Chibayanese culture around the world, wherever we are. There is basically no real purpose of this blog other than to document some thoughts that us, sons and daughters of Chibayanese, have collected via numerous (sometimes real-live) chats and discussions. It's a free for all forum of complaint if you will, so if you wish to contribute to this blog please just email me with your Google account information and I can add you as an authorized author. That being said, there are some ground rules on how the blog should operate

Content
Warning: if you have a soft and tender heart, you are advised not to read this blog, as a large majority of content will be sharp and biting in nature. We are who we are, Chibayanese. We are brought up feeling superior to others (often times unwarranted) and being critical (sometimes it means looking for fault in others). I'm guessing that, in due time, some of the recurring themes in this blog would be: Schadenfreude, nyinyir, nyolotism, bichism, etc. You have been warned.

While a large majority of our subject will be ai ai, we are by no means limited to talking about them. After all, narrow-mindedness and judgmentalism is a prevalent trait among all Indonesians, Chibayanese or not. However, we will try our best to be fair and objective when evaluating things on this site. We ought to be and will be the harshest critics of ourselves. When we are, our criticism of others will be that much more convincing and accurate. After all, a wise person once said this in his Facebook status:

What's worse than being narrow-minded? Being so narrow-minded that you think everyone else is narrow-minded.


Language
The framework of posts here will be in English, as it is rather impossible to have an intelligent discussion otherwise. But many MANY dialogs, phrases, and words will be in Chibayans, as no other language in the world conveys the same punch when it comes to ngilokno others. If you happen to understand Chibayan, then you're one of us. If you don't understand it, that's okay. As a group, we really are not the most understanding people in the world, so we should not expect people to understand us either (language or otherwise).

On the romanization of the Javanese used here, you would find that sometimes we have conflicting romanizations for the same word. That is because:
1. There are multiple popular and yet agreed upon romanizations that are simultaneously used in Central and East Java. The Javanese language is richer than Indonesian in that there are so many subtle vowel and consonant differences, and these subtleties are often butchered by non-Javanese speakers.
2. A lot of us have never learned proper Javanese as it is taught in school. We learned it from our bukren, parents, and friends. So sometimes we're just transliterating certain words as how it would sound in Indonesian, without using proper Javanese notation.
3. When talking in Chibayan, there really is no rule. Yao swok semok semok ya ge i asal sing diajak swok itu tong. Transcription: 要说什么什么 ya 可以 asal sing diajak 说 itu 懂. I'm not going to translate that. Gosh I should really add to the warning section above that proper Chinese speakers might cringe a lot when reading this blog.